Mirror Mirror on the Wall – In search of a metaphor for Coaching
*Dr Mukta Kamplikar
We never had a subject called Behavior in school . We had little books called – moral science and community living but never a subject called behavior. All along my journey I have often felt the need for a subject called behavior – in fact, a subject called “Applied behavior.” When a friend asked me – You’re an executive educator, a consultant, and a facilitator , why do you want to be a coach now? And I said – “Well I don’t want to “be” a coach. That is not the purpose. I only want to have/be able to have a conversation that helps make someone’s life a little better than it is.” “And in the process reflect on mine while relating to the other.” I added. It was and it is as simple and as complex as that. And then he asked – “Why do you want to help – or have these conversations that help?” And I said – “That is because someone had these conversations with me and I understand and believe in the power that some words and questions can have.
Some words , metaphors, statements, and questions have shifted perspectives for me, they have helped me challenge my status quo, they have helped me interrogate my beliefs , they have helped me re-examine my values and observe my patterns. This process of introspection and building awareness was empowering and I would like to have others taste it.
Being naturally extraverted, I have always loved connecting with people. Being naturally curious I learn through every interaction and through relating. I love interaction, I love people and I love meaningful conversations. Being an executive educator I help people understand how our conditioning, our environments trigger certain behaviors in us. At work I help leaders overcome limiting beliefs and sustain those shifts for greater success (of course in their measures and yardsticks)
In my role as a coach I do step a little further than that , I help having building conversations – I step into a rather interesting role (in my view) for which has the potential to empower another person. It is unbelievable how many of us wander in shame and fear and “not good enough Ness,” and are wanting in terms of empathy. So often when I’m coaching and a moment of what-am-I-doing-here arises, I instantly think about the choices I can make in that moment to help the other be more autonomous and empowered.
The metaphor of a mirror comes to mind when I look for a metaphor for coaching. In relating to my coachee, I see myself step in and out of the context and consciously toggle between objectivity and empathy. To me the process is fulfilling and is a never ending learning journey. I feel intrinsically happy if I can help someone be reflective and see something they hadn’t seen before. I have had magical moments while having conversations with my coaches and my coachees – I stare at those with glee. I feel content if I can be present for the other in the moment.
And why do I enjoy the process of coaching ? Because I can be a mirror to that someone (and because they can be a mirror to me). Because I could possibly help clear some haze and help see more clearly in the process of a conversation.
That to me is absolutely satisfying and fascinating!
*Dr Mukta Kamplikar
Dr Mukta Kamplikar is the Founder and Chief consultant at MUKTA – Liberating Human Potential (refer to www.muktakamplikar.com) , a facilitator and a coach working in the area of Human Capital Development Prior to starting her own firm in 2017, Mukta has worked for 20 years in various capacities in Indian and Multinational. Mukta holds a Master’s degree in Business Economics, a Ph.D. in Marketing Management (Services marketing) ,a Post-Doctoral Research Fellowship supported by the Commonwealth Nations and an internship at ISABS. Mukta is also an alumnus of the Wharton School Accelerated Development Program. She works with multiple clients across India and the US. Mukta has 16 publications to her credit. She also writes on business and leadership related topics for magazines, newsletters and dailies. Mukta paints passionately and writes poetry – she has authored 4 poetry books and one self-help book that is available on amazon kindle.
